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Resolutions That Don’t Make it Longer Than Your Milk Expiration Date!


OK, here it goes.  Let me be quite frank with you, if your planning on a New Year Resolution, make sure you stick with the simple ones: “live your life happier”, “stay more positive”, “take each day as they come”, etc.  Do we tend to make these unattainable goals for our selves by the time the New Year rolls around?  Yes, every year.  Let me guess, it is more than likely the exact same resolution you made the year before, and the year before that?  LOL, OF COURSE, IT IS!  Come on guys, unless you are truly ready to fulfill your resolutions, why fall into the stigma of New Year Resolution failures?

Every year I tell myself, I am going to eat healthier, lose weight, and blah blah blah.  This year will hopefully be different since I am spending money on actually losing the weight!  I refuse to make it a New Year Resolution though, that’s just asking for a kick in the face and a bigger booty!



Exercise More–  Whoever came up with this must have really been off their wacker.  The only thing you will be exercising more is your mouth, sorry but it is the truth!  You may make it to the gym for about a week or two, then you will become extinct like the dinosaurs.  It’s ok, you have to be ready, and just because it is a New Year does not make you automatically ready to squeeze your ass into some workout pants, and try to lift some weights!  Trust me I been there! See you next Year…oh and by the way, since you paid for your gym membership in advance can I use it?


Make New Friends– let’s be honest the only time you guys will be making new friends is at the bar when you get that first drink down, why because you will start talking non-stop to everyone you may come in contact with.  You may get lucky and catch a new pal, but I guarantee you, you will run most of them away because that mouth of yours won’t shut up for two seconds.  My advice, stick with the friends you have, the smaller the circle the less shit you have to deal with unless you get a new pet of course, and I can’t help you there!

Focus More On Appearance- LOL, this one just says it all.  I wish we all focused on our appearance!  If this resolution actually worked, we wouldn’t be walking in Walmart seeing underwear through leggings, because they decided that their rump shaker should be the center of attention today.  FYI, PEOPLE, Leggings are NOT PANTS!


Spend Less Money– Ok, this one could go south pretty quick.  Just remember when making this resolution on New Year’s Eve, you still have the rest of the night after the ball drops that you will be buying drinks, Failure already!   We all need to save money, but there goes that damn Pizza Hut commercial again, and the stuffed crust really does look good.  Oooo they have a great deal going on.  Hmm, yep “HONEY WE ARE ORDERING PIZZA TONIGHT”.. “oK”  there you go three resolutions made, failed in one night.  See where I am going with this?


Drink Less– Of course, this would be a lot healthier, save you money,  just maybe have a better reputation, but do you have kids?  Enough said.  When those little hellions start terrorizing the house or whining because they want something that so and so has, let me know how well the drinking less works out for you, especially when schools out, or better yet when those teen hormones kick in.  Good luck is all I have to say.


Fall In Love– First off if you even make this a resolution of yours, we are no longer friends!  How can anyone even schedule this to happen?  Come on people, you will fall in love when its time, making it a New Year Resolution just makes you look desperate, and will definitely not make it happen any sooner.


Learn New Things– I learn new “THINGS” EVERY DAY OF THE YEAR!  If I don’t know, I google it!  Who puts this as a resolution?  Be specific in what you want to learn in the New Year, for example: “learn how to use a computer”, or “Learn how to not be a dumb ass” those my friends are resolutions!


So I could definitely keep on going but I won’t.  I think I have made my point quite clear.  Whether you like what I say or not, frankly I don’t care, lol!  I talk the truth 🙂 and sometimes that hurts.  New Year Resolutions are a way to make yourself feel better for just a little while.  Like I said no longer than the expiration date on your Milk.  “TRUE STORY”  Stick with the basics and live a fun, and exciting life.  No need to bring more stress on over a New Year Resolution.  On that note, I think I will go pour me a glass of wine, complain about my weight, order some pizza, and stare at the treadmill that has collected dust, and clothes.  Until next time my friends.

Yours Truly & Honestly,